Storms of Life

Dear Friends & Readers,

Hello.  I hope everyone is having a good day.  I know I am. I had gotten back from dialysis treatment a little before 1:45 PM and rested in my corner chair with Bing Crosby the Cat in my lap purring away and getting loved as well as I am being loved in return.  Bing always want to have “mommy” time when I get home and tell me all about his time in quiet, lol.  Sometimes I get scolded, sometimes he is so happy to see me that he jumps unto my walk seat the minute I walk in the door, and other times I have to ask him to move when I say, “beep, beep.”  He seems to understand that word very well, lol.  I feel I had a good session with dialysis, but for some reason I am now getting tired around 5:18 PM in the early evening hour.  I will manage.  I am here now and that is what matters.  Tomorrow, Friday, I do not have any plans so being tired right now is not a problem.

This morning, between 6 AM – 7 AM, I took the time to be with God, and read today’s Our Daily Breaddevotion.  Ever since I have read it, I have been pondering/thinking about what I had to the degree I could remember and thought I would share the devotional personally with you directly from the site.  Here it is… Dear Diary Devotion of the Day…. It is titled “Present in the Storm”.  When I was at dialysis, it was very hard for me to write my thoughts down in my trusty notebook I use to take notes and waiting to share my thoughts with others was hard. Now that I am here to share my thoughts, I can indeed get them out into the open now.  Here it goes.

Storms of Life

A family of six at a church of the author of today’s read lost their home in a fire.  The father/husband and his son survived the fire, but the husband’s wife, mother, and two small children did not make it and were laid to rest while the father/husband was still in the hospital when his deceased family members were buried.  Reading that made my heart ache for the father and son who have survived.  Now they will have to move ahead without four family members who made a wonderful family by picking up the pieces to continue with their lives.  What a large “storm” they had to deal with when the house burned down, and four family members have been lost.  Did God forsake them?  No. God will be with the survivors as they grieve the loss of loved ones.  Fires are devastating and damaging no matter how you look at it when it comes down to burning a home down on a family – death tolls or not.  My heart goes out to the father and son with pangs that cannot be expressed in words.  My heart goes out is all I can say right now.

Have you ever had “storms” you have gone through that questioned your faith in God or the presence of God?  I have had gone through “storms” that have questioned my faith and presence in God, but now knowing that my unwavering faith in God is stronger now than it was twenty years ago, I have to say that my storms of life could have been worse than they were.  I remember when I had learned that I had total kidney family at age 17.  I was a Junior in high school, and I was basketball manager for the girls’ basketball team at Craig High Schooland I planned to do better in my classes. I was upset and wondered why God was punishing me.  My own kidneys have failed, and I needed a transplant.  Today, 31 ½ years, while learning about God and Satan, I had learned otherwise that God was not punishing me.  He had helped me through a terrible storm while I was in the midst of it, and now I see God in a different light than I did at 17.  In fact, I saw God in a different light for three years.

Another “storm” I had endured was in 2015 when I had learned that my transplanted kidney was beginning to show signs of trouble. The doctors at UW Hispital & Clinicswanted me to have a biopsy done on the kidney so it was scheduled for February 2016.  The idea scared me, but from Christmastime 2015 to February 2016, I had time to understand what a biopsy would entail for someone like me.  Did I know that having recorded a documentary about a couple who had children who all had heart issues and later needed heart transplants?  No, not at the time.  I had saved this recording for a few weeks and it was still on my DVR recording list.  I decided to watch it.  Maybe I would learn something very important.  Did I know that the eldest was having trouble with her heart that they were going to do a biopsy on her heart?  No, I did not.  Although her circumstance was different from mine, but a biopsy is not.  All the doctors need is a small tissue sample of my transplanted kidney and see what the results say.  By the time it was time for my biopsy I was ready with a smile on my face.  Prayers were going up that day, my nephrologist was there making sure I did not feel a thing, and it was over.  It only took about fifteen to twenty minutes.  The hard part was waiting for the preliminary results before being discharged.  The biopsy was a day in and out type of procedure and the nephrologists at the UW do several biopsies a week.  Because I wanted my nephrologist to be there, my biopsy was done on Monday.  The preliminary results came, and Dr. D came in to tell me that my kidney was not rejecting because of its long time run, but it was becoming diseased and the final result will be in and then they will tell me.  I was glad my kidney was still holding its own to some extent.  The idea of now having kidney disease did not make me very happy for a while until Dr. D told me that kidney transplants do not all make it past 15 to 25 years for some reason or another, and my transplant had gotten to 28 years with the disease progression probably beginning by 2014 without showing any signs of trouble until just recently before my biopsy.  Dr. D made sense and the idea of tweaking my life to better suit the kidney disease was in the works and plans to begin was the moment I left the clinic to go home after being discharged.

            The results of the type of disease I had had come in and I was told it was glomerulonephritis. I had switched medication to help with the disease, met a new doctor who specialized in kidney diseases, but I did not like her as a doctor, and I decided to find a local nephrologist in town for my cares until further notice.  That is where I stand today.  I have not seen Dr. D since 2016, but as shtoon as I am able to have my second kidney transplant – God willing – I will have him as my nephrologist at the UW once again.

My kidney has reached 31 years by the time I had to be hospitalized to begin hemodialysisfor the first few days.  Another “storm” brewed while I was in the hospital for the first four days. The medication Ativan/Lorazepammade me hallucinate to the point that I thought the hospital was being bombed, being told to harm myself through a voice whispering to me, saw smoke and steam, little fires on my bed, the call light malfunctioned as well as I saw it melt and fry right in my hand nor would it let me handle it, I saw people I did not know and some of the people were transparent or in ghost form like on TV, and the door would taunt and tease me with closing and slamming shut after the hinges would pop of at the top where it was able to stay open.  That storm of life was the scariest of all the storms I have dealt with.  Ativan is now on my drug list of reactions NOT TO TAKE in my chart my doctors can see.  I never want to experience another hallucination ever again when it can be here.  I also think Clonidine is also do NOT TO TAKE in my chart as well.

What “storms” have you personally experienced?  How did God help you?  I have learned a lot in the past three years about how God has helped me through my storms of life.  Taking time for God every day since the beginning of this week has helped me with my inner demons as well from making an appearance – a storm of life I contend on a regular basis.  I am doing everything I can to keep things on an even keel emotionally now and that is one challenge I am willing to take and make.  It can be done and it is going to take time to get it down pat where troubles do not arise in my head and cause havoc.

Storms of life will occur because we have sin in the world because of Adam and Eve’s fall in the Garden of Eden.  I have seen many storms take place on TV, in news reports/articles, and all around me.  Every one of us has dealt with storms of life in ways that are unimaginable, unbelievable, scary, and crazy.  I have come to realize how bad this world has to in areas I never thought of as a child because as a child we humans needn’t to worry about adult problems although some children deal with illnesses at any age like cancer of some kind.  Cancer does not have an age limit and that is a storm many children face in their life while fighting the cancer as a cure is in the works in cancer research.  St. Judeis one place I respect when it comes to kids with cancer.  When it comes to kids with disabilities I have great respect for Shriners Hosp.  I was a Shriner’s kid when I was younger and needed leg surgery because of cerebral palsy.

Please forgive me for getting off the path a little bit here.  I am now going to say good night and God bless and come back another time.  I would like to share the prayer that was shared in today’s devotion I have stemmed “Storms of Life” from.  Father, help me to trust the truth of Your Word when it’s hard to make sense Your care and presence. Let’s remember that we need to trust God during our storms of life because He is always present even though we cannot see Him.  That is how I got through my storms of life as time moved forward.  We can do this together.  Again what storms have you experienced?  Read Psalm 43 (NIV)when you have a chance. Good night.