Friday, June 28, 2019

Trusting God's Word

Please forgive me for getting off the mark in any of this blog.  Thank you.

Please use the Bible version you prefer.  I personally use NIV, NKJV, NKV, NLT,  ESV, and NRSV as my go to Bibles on my phone or computer.  I read NKJV while at church, and NIV while reading at dialysis. Some Bible verses are easy to read in one version over another, and it is okay to compare and see the different wording.
Dear Friends & Readers,

Hello!  Another weekend has come, and Friday evening has rolled on in.  Sundown will be at 8:38 PM this evening, and I have dialysis in the morning for 3 ½ hours.  My week at this end has been very good, and I have looked forward to this weekend coming for the past few days.  I do have to admit that looking forward to Friday and Saturday the past few weeks, since May 7, I have been back from the hospital May 6, 2019.  I was disappointed and anxious.  Now, this week for the first time, I am happy to see Friday and Saturday come. When I began doing some reading of devotions, begin courses at Our Daily Bread, and saw my boyfriend and his mom after I got back from dialysis Saturday afternoon, I have realized that I needed to trust God a lot more than I have in my past.

Today I read Brenda Walsh Ministry Devotion of the Dayand it is titled “Trust God’s saying to me and I am titling my blog “Trusting God’s Word”.  Okay, here it goes…

Trusting God’s Word
The Bible is the very place we can go to learn on how to trust God.  In trusting God, we go to God through prayer, read the Bible passages that show us God can be and is trusting and a trustworthy being.  He is the One who created the heavens and the earth, the animals, and our first couple Adam and Eve who later became our first parents.  The Bible can take us to times of struggle, tribulation, joyous and great times, and show us what we need to do to trust God in every aspect of our lives.  Yes, the Bible has 66 books and the chapters can be quite long in some books, but God’s Word are stories written by people in the days before and after Christ, and today all the verses are read during sermons at church by pastors, church members, and those who share their testimonies through music and song.  Think of Psalms.  They are poems and songs in today’s world that were written by those who got to know God and Jesus before and after Jesus’ crucifixion on the cross because people wanted to have him killed so they did not have to hear him preach anymore.  Just like today, there were evil people before, during, and after Christ died on that cross.  Genesis, from the old testament through to Revelation, from the new testament tell a story about people.  Now, we can read about those people, and wonder who we pattern after spiritually. I have to figure who I pattern after yet.  Until then, I have to trust God and continue reading the Bible.
            The Bible is a great place to learn how to deal with stress, anxiety, panic, disappointment and so on.  Also, when we make a decision in our lives and want direction, we pray about it and wait for God’s answer.  Now, waiting can be awhile and that is where we need to learn to trust God as he shows us the way to go.  It is hard.  I know that for a fact because I am one person who can be persistent and impatient at times – maybe most of the time if I am not feeling up to par emotionally and physically, and definitely not feeling very good with a cold, fever, or an UTI.  Believe me. When anxiety and panic play their cards, I am on a rampage on what is causing my anxiety and panicking because I do not understand why, or I want it done right now.  I do have to admit that my ability to pray to God for help then is not focused.  I lose my focus on what I should be doing instead on what is causing my anxiety.
            Ever since May 7, 2019, I have been dealing with a struggle in my life.  No, it is not trusting God. It was dealing with my mixed emotions about not being able to attend church.  Today is the first weekend my emotions have not raged negatively.  I am happy that Friday has arrived.  I got out of my stubborn streak and let it go.  Now I look forward to the weekends coming.  I have found a way to be with God at home daily.  My struggle there is over.  I have allowed God to take over by sharing with Him my feelings, thoughts, and moments – whatever they may be.  I have learned to trust God.
            Do you want a personal relationship with God? I do.  I want to abide His wishes and I know now that He has a plan for me. At one time I wondered if He understood what I was going through when I was really sick in 1987 and needed a kidney transplant.  I was only seventeen years old and a teenager who did not understand God’s plan for me then. In order for me to continue to trust in God, I need to continue reading the Bible, read devotions, hear stories and testimonies of other people, to know that I am not alone in the world going through something so traumatic, scary, necessary, and needed.   I want that relationship with God.  It is that important to me.
            In2 Tim 3:16the Bible is saying that God’s Word can be trusted in the way of giving inspiration to us through God as doctrine, for reproofing, for correction, and instruct us in how to be righteous like Abraham, Noah, Moses, and of course, our friend Jesus who is in heaven right now preparing a place for us.  In Ps 9:10the verse is those who know Jesus will not be forsaken when they put their trust in him. Isn’t that an awesome verse?  I think so and I love this verse.  It is one of my favorites today and always. When we put our trust in God, we will have peace when we keep Him on our minds at all times.  That is what Isaiah 26:3 states in my understanding of the verse.  In Ps 37:4-6, I have found this verse a little difficult to understand immediately.  From what I understand, we are to delight in the Lord everyday of our lives and he then will give us the desires of our hearts as commit ourselves to him he will allow our desires to come to our lives.   He is the light and he will show that we are going in the right direction towards righteousness.
            God wants us to have a relationship with him, to trust Him, and to believe in Him.  It is so important to Him to have followers and believers.  Yes, Satan will want his followers and believers, too, but Satan is not going to have me following him.  I am here to follow God.  I may have been through a lot in the past 48 years to get to where I am today, so I am not going to throw away what God has done for me now.  I have reached the point in my life now to understand that I am here for a reason.  I was not the perfect daughter, granddaughter, or whatever relation I am other family members, but I can say that I am loved by many and God Himself.  He has put me in the perfect place where I need to be, and I have to trust Him fully.  We all need to trust Him fully although many have turned away from Him, do not know Him or care to, do not believe He really exists, or have just not understood.  I pray for everyone.


Remembering Beth Chapman

Anything shared, such as Wikipediais a site I use often to look at celebrity information.  If any of the information shared from that site is incorrect, please let me know and I will apologize for misinforming.  Years ago when Wikipedia came out, I was told by college faculty never to use it in papers, so I never did.

Remembering Beth Chapman

Dear Friends & Readers,
            My heart goes out to Duane “Dog” Chapman and his family, friends, and fans of his shows “Dog the Bounty Hunter, “Dog & Beth: On the Hunt”, “Dog & Beth:  The Fight of Their Lives, and the newest show coming up “Dog’s Most Wanted”.  His wife Beth, born October 29, 1967 and passed away from throat cancer that was put in remission, but then returned into her lungs on June 26, 2019, Wikipedia states.  I, a fan of “Dog the Bounty Hunter”, after watching the first episode of the second season, feel for everyone.  When I read in “Dog’s” tweet that Beth was in a medically induced coma because of her breathing and he has asked his fans to pray for his wife, my heart ached to read the post, but prayed.  That post has been on my mind ever since I read it on Monday, and then Tuesday, read another tweet from “Dog”, a little after 5 PM Hawaiian time, my heart ached yet knowing that Beth was no longer suffering and dealing with cancer anymore. Knowing that Beth is not dealing with anymore discomfort from her cancer, I am happy in that way.
            Watching “Dog the Bounty Hunter” was where I learned about how Duane “Dog” Chapman became the man he is now, and when he married Beth in 2006, the wedding was on his show, and the family let the fans see it on TV! I felt honored to be there as a watcher on my side of the TV screen.  I enjoyed the wedding very much even though “Dog” had lost a daughter during that time.  I have appreciated “Dog’s” honesty to the criminals who skipped out on their bail bonds as he captures them to take them back to jail.  Knowing about his life, a man who has been in prison himself, has made me understand that some people can turn their life around from very bad situations.  Upon reading information Duane "Dog" Chapman, I did not know that he was married four different times with Beth being his latest/last wife and a father of 12 kids.  My heart goes out to the entire family and I am glad they have one another.
            In my heart, knowing a celebrity only by watching them on TV, will continue to pray and be a fan.  Maybe someday I will meant “Dog” and his family.  The only celebrity I met in my lifetime was Robin Yount who was a Milwaukee Brewers team player when he visited the Janesville Mall when I was not yet a teenager but a pre-teen.  I was able to get Robin Yount’s autograph and have lost it ever since.  Yes, I’ve wanted to meet Beth Chapman.  I will have to wait until I get to heaven to her now to meet her.  Will I meet “Dog” Chapman?  Most likely no, but it is a wish of mine for a few years now.
            Prayers for the all who loved, known, and appreciated the family of Beth Chapman are going up as we speak.


Monday, June 24, 2019

God's Goal For Us - A Race to the Finish Line

Dear Friends & Readers,

How was your weekend?  My weekend went by fast.  The only time it seemed to run slow was Saturday when I was being dialyzed on the machine for the desired 3 ½ hours because one of my catheter lines was not pulling very well.  I got through treatment but had to have my head turned to the left through the entire treatment.  Luckily no kinks in the neck came during and after, and the following day.  I was given a drug called Cath Flow in the line that was not pulling very well after treatment, got “burrito” (gauze)wrapped around the catheter and left for my dialysis weekend (Sunday and Monday while Sabbath weekend begins Friday at sundown to Saturday sundown).  After I had gotten home, I got a surprise call from my boyfriend telling me he and his mom were on their way to have Bible study and having study together as well as learning about what the sermon was all about, but I did not hear from her until Saturday afternoon when she got here with my sweetheart.  It was an awesome two hours that ended my Saturday afternoon with great pleasure with family. On Sunday I watched TJ Hooker on Decades as the show was on this weekend.  I was in bed by 7:30 PM and asleep by 8 PM, and awake to begin my day today at 6:15 AM where I did my best at taking time for God, but that had to wait until 10 AM this morning and once again right now before 5 PM because my cat Bing Crosby had to have “mommy” time with me and give some loving as I was loving him.  Right now, while writing this blog, he is laying at my feet on my bed for a little bit. Once again, how was your weekend?

While I took the time this morning to read a couple of devotions at Our Daily Breadand Brenda Walsh Ministry, my mind came to the decision on what I am going to talk about today.  First I would like to share the devotions I have read:  Brenda Walsh’s Devotionaland Our Daily Bread Devotion.  Our Daily Bread talks about how to enjoy playing basketball as a coach learned that the team did not win games in the past while Brenda Walsh’s devotion talks about running the race.  Two very good devotions that talk about two different things so I am going to talk about each one the best I can with the notes I have taken and what I have learned and thought about through time of reflection.  Let’s begin with Our Daily Bread Devotional.

Daily Bread Devotion
“Playing With Joy”

Acts 20:24talks about how we are to complete a task that Jesus has given us.  That task is to study your Bibles, reflect on what you are reading, give your testimony, and pass on the good news about God to others.  This is what Paul said to the elders that were his last words. The coach was not worried about the basketball team winning or losing.  He just wanted his team to play basketball with joy in their hearts. The idea of having great joy in what you enjoy doing can show others as well as yourselves that competition is more fun that way.  Okay, I get it!  What have I been doing the past few days?  I have been writing a blog on devotions and Bible lessons and sharing what I have learned through words.  I enjoy doing this very much.  I am passing my testimonies through my blogs to others who will find my blog, read it, and find it in themselves what they come from what I have shared.  I am “playing with joy  y” sharing God’s Word.

As I continue to take time for God,  I find myself less grouchy, discouraged, stressed, and unhealthy. Who doesn’t get grouchy, discouraged, stressed, and deals with issues with their health?  I’ve had a kidney transplant 31 ½ years ago and now I am doing dialysis three times a week for 3 ½ hour sittings.  It takes away my morning to do other things that could be done but I have learned to fit it into my schedule.  It was not easy at first.  Now, since May 7, 2019, I have incorporated it into my schedule, and have found time with God in the morning and evening of each day without fail even though what fails around me is learned to be what it is.  If I begin to become anxious, I am still learning to control it with understanding that it is not me or it is something I have no control of.  Like when one of catheter lines was not pulling very well and I needed some Cath Flow after treatment.  Catheters get clogged.  I did not get stressed or worry.  I was being taken care of by good people who knew how to do their job Saturday afternoon. I had to look to the left for the entire session.  Doing dialysis right now is something that has to be done because my transplanted kidney is not functioning properly.  The race that I am running right now is one race I will not stop running for as long as I can.  Please take the time to read Our Daily Bread Devotionto see what you can glean from your experiences, reflect, and pray for God’s guidance as time moves ahead for your future “play for joy” moments.  God bless.  I continue to pray for a good race.  Now, let’s talk about Brenda Walsh’s Devotion.

Brenda Walsh Ministry
“Running the Race”

What races have you run?  When I was a child in elementary school, I remember when we would have track and field day every year up to my middle school days.  We would get prepared for the big day in gym class for days up to the big day.  I never did the hurdles because I could never get over them, but I loved shotput, the long jump, and running.  Running was not easy for me although I could run like the other kids.  I was a little slower in running even though I ran as fast as my legs could go.   I never won a race against other kids, but I was cheered by other students and teachers running alongside me no matter what.  The idea of running a race and finishing was all that mattered.  Kids in grade school were more understanding about kids with disabilities and handicaps, too.  I sure do miss those days because that is when certain things did not matter as much as they did during middle and high school, but where would I be if I stayed a little girl?  I know I would not have grown to know more about God, love Him, and share my testimonies with others as I continue to learn.  Even adulthood is not easy.  I can say that adulthood is manageable with the right plans in place.

Running a race in life has its quirks, downfalls, ups and downs, but the race is not over until it is over.  God wants us to have a steady pace during our journey that is considered a race to the finish line.  He wants us, too, enjoy the sites during our race and have a good rest on our journeys through life.  I know health problems can discourage anyone, but we have to remember that sin is in this world, and we are going to have bumps in the road from time to time, and that does not mean our race is over.  When the race is over, we have reached the finish line as , 2 Tim 4:7,comes across to me with the words from the Bible itself.  I have yet to finish my race and until then, I am going to continue sharing about God’s Word the best I can in the way I can and am doing right now.

Sometimes storms rage and that makes little things seem bigger than they really are.  Remember the saying when you were younger when telling stories. “Don’t make an ant hill seem like a mole hill” is the phrase I have heard growing up.  Sometimes certain things happen in life that may be distressing, and God tells us not to give up.  Do not give up.  God wants us to fight against what entangles us from time to time and continue to run the race to the finish line.  We need to focus on the goals God has given us.  We all have talents and gifts that God has given us, and He has known us from the very beginning of time.  At one time I have wondered what my talents and gifts were, but I do not wonder anymore. I believe I am putting them to use right now.  I have one last thought about Brenda Walsh’s Devotion of the day.

This past week I have started to take time for God for some good reasons.  They are to help me get through one day to the next without anxiety, panic, and depression, see what God has to say through His Word we call the Bible, reflect, and pray to Him daily.  Then when the time came and the Holy Spirit urges me to write my thoughts down to share with others, I have found myself more at peace with everything around me. My habits are changing, my attitude toward others is changing for the better, and my life from the past is opening to understanding that I want my former actions in life be in past and be remembered as mistakes, trials, and errors of my former self.  I cannot change what is in the past, but I can change what is now.  As I move ahead and run the race to the finish line where Jesus is waiting for me with his outstretched arms, he will then give me the prize that I have waited so long to receive.  When that time comes, the race will be over, and I will spend eternal life with Jesus and others who have also ran their races to the end of their days as well. Please do not worry that I am talking about finishing my race right now. God knows when my race will be over, and that is understood as He knows all.  I am not giving up and no one should give up.

As my night closes into a rainy evening, I do have to admit that I have learned a lot about “playing with joy” and “running the race”.  I am not here to scare anyone in believing in God as I am only here to share about Him when the time is right for me to do so.  I love Jesus and I know he loves me and everyone else in this world.  I understand that many do not know Jesus as well as not wanting to know him and both ideas make my heart ache and sometimes, I cry for those who do not know or want God in their lives.  God does exist.  He cannot be seen, but he does exist.  May God direct you in the right direction one day and bring you great joy.  I am only one being telling my testimonies, and I know I am not alone in this world whatsoever. 

Friday, June 21, 2019

Summer Has Arrived

Dear Friends and Readers,

I have spent time with God this morning from 6:30 AM to 7 AM and again from 5 PM to 5:30 PM before coming here to say hello, good evening, and have a good weekend.  I did learn about envy today as I read/listened to the day’s Our Daily Bread devotional today.  Read 6:29 (NLT) or any Bible version you prefer.  The thought of being envious boggles my mind sometimes because I know I have been envious in my past.  Not sure about today, though.  Also knowing people were envious of me when I was younger also boggles my mind.  Here is the story/devotional:  …. I thought I would share it and let you find what you get from it today.

The weekend has arrived, and sundown will be at 8:37 PM tonight.  I just wanted to say hello, have a good weekend, be safe in all your endeavors, and be kind to one another and others.  I had a good day today watching my marathon shows Matlock and Monk.  I usually do not watch Monk too often, but the first season is back in running syndication on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries (HMM), and I thought I would watch Tony Shalhoub.  I like him as an actor.  Then I watch Judge Judy from 4 PM to 4:30 PM, then decided to take the time to write, get online, and ready for the evening and weekend.  I have dialysis in the morning for 3 ½ hours beginning at 9:15 AM or whenever I get in the back to have dialysis, then my dialysis weekend begins the moment I leave the dialysis center and return next Tuesday, June 25th. I enjoy my dialysis weekends very much although I still deal with a schedule every day of the week.  Dialysis is part of that schedule I have grown accustomed to since I began dialysis as an outpatient.  I will not tell you the cost for dialysis, but I will say that it is a lot of money.  My Sundays are very lowkey days.  I sleep in a little bit from Saturday night, my IRIS worker gets here at 5 PM, I have personal cares, and get comfortable the rest of the evening.  As my lowkey day goes, I do what I can for myself, watch TV, read, listen to music, snuggle with Bing Crosby the Cat.  Bing is a given every day when it comes to snuggling with him. Then the weekend is over and my “work week” begins on Monday and my Monday is a lowkey day as well unless I have plans to go somewhere with my IRIS worker before she goes to her next client.

Summer has begun. The weather today was fairly nice at 71 degrees, sunny, and warm.  I did not go outside or anything.  With my balance, I do not always feel safe venturing out on my own without someone with me.  I never know, with dialysis days especially, when a dizzy spell will be triggered.  My IRIS worker left around 9:45 AM to her next client so staying in was more of a want than a must.  Because my bedroom/living room windows are open, I heard neighbors coming/going into the building after enjoying some fresh air and maybe a cigarette or two.  The weekend has arrived for our onsite manager until Monday as well.  I hope, with the summer beginning, we will have some nice weather.  I have felt, since January 22nd, our Wisconsin weather has been a little mixed up.  We had a longer fall season, a long winter season, and spring seemed to take a while to warm up.   Now we have summer months at play. Not a bad day for today.

Do you have kids who are still school age?  I am talking about grade, middle, and high school age.  I do not have any kids myself, but I know people who do.  Summer has begun for them here in Wisconsin for our area schools except for the Christian school I know has begun their summer holiday before June 13th.  It is nice to hear kids running around outside enjoying their summer days during play and helping their parents do chores.  It is not easy being a kid.  I have been there myself and sometimes it feels like not so long ago.  As a child I enjoyed school somewhat and then as a teenager, I still enjoyed school somewhat, but was glad to get away from the house for about 8 hours a day.  As a teenager, about the age of 15, I have learned that doing chores before seeing friends was grueling.  Now I see kids all around feeling the same way I did about doing chores.  A scary thought, right?  Although I do not have any kids who can take pattern after me, I know parents who have kids who pattern after them, and sometimes parents wonder about their kids as they ponder about their lives at certain ages of growing up. Yikes, right?  Maybe?  Maybe not?

What are your plans for the summer?  My plans are play it by  ear plans outside my scheduled personal cares, dialysis days, seeing my parents from AR, getting out when I can about the town for appointments, errands, read, write, and do what is necessary to stay happy and comfortable.  I will not be doing any traveling outside the state or anything. Staying close to home.  I do not have people stay overnight anymore nor do I stay overnight at any friend’s place.  I love my own bed, my space, and my home/apartment.  Now, when I have another kidney transplant (God willing), my mom will be staying with me for a while and that is when I have a sleepover.  Mom does not count anyway.  Her home/My home is home to both of us.  My mom’s home includes a husband, so my stepfather counts as well.  Family staying over does not count as sleepovers in my book.

It is getting late and I have a semi-busy morning.  I am going to say good night and come back as soon as I can over the weekend sometime. It has been my pleasure to be here and share with you my thoughts.  May God guide all of you through your weekend.  Good night and God bless.



Thursday, June 20, 2019

Storms of Life

Dear Friends & Readers,

Hello.  I hope everyone is having a good day.  I know I am. I had gotten back from dialysis treatment a little before 1:45 PM and rested in my corner chair with Bing Crosby the Cat in my lap purring away and getting loved as well as I am being loved in return.  Bing always want to have “mommy” time when I get home and tell me all about his time in quiet, lol.  Sometimes I get scolded, sometimes he is so happy to see me that he jumps unto my walk seat the minute I walk in the door, and other times I have to ask him to move when I say, “beep, beep.”  He seems to understand that word very well, lol.  I feel I had a good session with dialysis, but for some reason I am now getting tired around 5:18 PM in the early evening hour.  I will manage.  I am here now and that is what matters.  Tomorrow, Friday, I do not have any plans so being tired right now is not a problem.

This morning, between 6 AM – 7 AM, I took the time to be with God, and read today’s Our Daily Breaddevotion.  Ever since I have read it, I have been pondering/thinking about what I had to the degree I could remember and thought I would share the devotional personally with you directly from the site.  Here it is… Dear Diary Devotion of the Day…. It is titled “Present in the Storm”.  When I was at dialysis, it was very hard for me to write my thoughts down in my trusty notebook I use to take notes and waiting to share my thoughts with others was hard. Now that I am here to share my thoughts, I can indeed get them out into the open now.  Here it goes.

Storms of Life

A family of six at a church of the author of today’s read lost their home in a fire.  The father/husband and his son survived the fire, but the husband’s wife, mother, and two small children did not make it and were laid to rest while the father/husband was still in the hospital when his deceased family members were buried.  Reading that made my heart ache for the father and son who have survived.  Now they will have to move ahead without four family members who made a wonderful family by picking up the pieces to continue with their lives.  What a large “storm” they had to deal with when the house burned down, and four family members have been lost.  Did God forsake them?  No. God will be with the survivors as they grieve the loss of loved ones.  Fires are devastating and damaging no matter how you look at it when it comes down to burning a home down on a family – death tolls or not.  My heart goes out to the father and son with pangs that cannot be expressed in words.  My heart goes out is all I can say right now.

Have you ever had “storms” you have gone through that questioned your faith in God or the presence of God?  I have had gone through “storms” that have questioned my faith and presence in God, but now knowing that my unwavering faith in God is stronger now than it was twenty years ago, I have to say that my storms of life could have been worse than they were.  I remember when I had learned that I had total kidney family at age 17.  I was a Junior in high school, and I was basketball manager for the girls’ basketball team at Craig High Schooland I planned to do better in my classes. I was upset and wondered why God was punishing me.  My own kidneys have failed, and I needed a transplant.  Today, 31 ½ years, while learning about God and Satan, I had learned otherwise that God was not punishing me.  He had helped me through a terrible storm while I was in the midst of it, and now I see God in a different light than I did at 17.  In fact, I saw God in a different light for three years.

Another “storm” I had endured was in 2015 when I had learned that my transplanted kidney was beginning to show signs of trouble. The doctors at UW Hispital & Clinicswanted me to have a biopsy done on the kidney so it was scheduled for February 2016.  The idea scared me, but from Christmastime 2015 to February 2016, I had time to understand what a biopsy would entail for someone like me.  Did I know that having recorded a documentary about a couple who had children who all had heart issues and later needed heart transplants?  No, not at the time.  I had saved this recording for a few weeks and it was still on my DVR recording list.  I decided to watch it.  Maybe I would learn something very important.  Did I know that the eldest was having trouble with her heart that they were going to do a biopsy on her heart?  No, I did not.  Although her circumstance was different from mine, but a biopsy is not.  All the doctors need is a small tissue sample of my transplanted kidney and see what the results say.  By the time it was time for my biopsy I was ready with a smile on my face.  Prayers were going up that day, my nephrologist was there making sure I did not feel a thing, and it was over.  It only took about fifteen to twenty minutes.  The hard part was waiting for the preliminary results before being discharged.  The biopsy was a day in and out type of procedure and the nephrologists at the UW do several biopsies a week.  Because I wanted my nephrologist to be there, my biopsy was done on Monday.  The preliminary results came, and Dr. D came in to tell me that my kidney was not rejecting because of its long time run, but it was becoming diseased and the final result will be in and then they will tell me.  I was glad my kidney was still holding its own to some extent.  The idea of now having kidney disease did not make me very happy for a while until Dr. D told me that kidney transplants do not all make it past 15 to 25 years for some reason or another, and my transplant had gotten to 28 years with the disease progression probably beginning by 2014 without showing any signs of trouble until just recently before my biopsy.  Dr. D made sense and the idea of tweaking my life to better suit the kidney disease was in the works and plans to begin was the moment I left the clinic to go home after being discharged.
            The results of the type of disease I had had come in and I was told it was glomerulonephritis. I had switched medication to help with the disease, met a new doctor who specialized in kidney diseases, but I did not like her as a doctor, and I decided to find a local nephrologist in town for my cares until further notice.  That is where I stand today.  I have not seen Dr. D since 2016, but as shtoon as I am able to have my second kidney transplant – God willing – I will have him as my nephrologist at the UW once again.

My kidney has reached 31 years by the time I had to be hospitalized to begin hemodialysisfor the first few days.  Another “storm” brewed while I was in the hospital for the first four days. The medication Ativan/Lorazepammade me hallucinate to the point that I thought the hospital was being bombed, being told to harm myself through a voice whispering to me, saw smoke and steam, little fires on my bed, the call light malfunctioned as well as I saw it melt and fry right in my hand nor would it let me handle it, I saw people I did not know and some of the people were transparent or in ghost form like on TV, and the door would taunt and tease me with closing and slamming shut after the hinges would pop of at the top where it was able to stay open.  That storm of life was the scariest of all the storms I have dealt with.  Ativan is now on my drug list of reactions NOT TO TAKE in my chart my doctors can see.  I never want to experience another hallucination ever again when it can be here.  I also think Clonidine is also do NOT TO TAKE in my chart as well.

What “storms” have you personally experienced?  How did God help you?  I have learned a lot in the past three years about how God has helped me through my storms of life.  Taking time for God every day since the beginning of this week has helped me with my inner demons as well from making an appearance – a storm of life I contend on a regular basis.  I am doing everything I can to keep things on an even keel emotionally now and that is one challenge I am willing to take and make.  It can be done and it is going to take time to get it down pat where troubles do not arise in my head and cause havoc.

Storms of life will occur because we have sin in the world because of Adam and Eve’s fall in the Garden of Eden.  I have seen many storms take place on TV, in news reports/articles, and all around me.  Every one of us has dealt with storms of life in ways that are unimaginable, unbelievable, scary, and crazy.  I have come to realize how bad this world has to in areas I never thought of as a child because as a child we humans needn’t to worry about adult problems although some children deal with illnesses at any age like cancer of some kind.  Cancer does not have an age limit and that is a storm many children face in their life while fighting the cancer as a cure is in the works in cancer research.  St. Judeis one place I respect when it comes to kids with cancer.  When it comes to kids with disabilities I have great respect for Shriners Hosp.  I was a Shriner’s kid when I was younger and needed leg surgery because of cerebral palsy.

Please forgive me for getting off the path a little bit here.  I am now going to say good night and God bless and come back another time.  I would like to share the prayer that was shared in today’s devotion I have stemmed “Storms of Life” from.  Father, help me to trust the truth of Your Word when it’s hard to make sense Your care and presence. Let’s remember that we need to trust God during our storms of life because He is always present even though we cannot see Him.  That is how I got through my storms of life as time moved forward.  We can do this together.  Again what storms have you experienced?  Read Psalm 43 (NIV)when you have a chance. Good night.

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Spending Time With God

Dear Friends & Readers,

I am back once again.  Remember my last blog about “imperfections”?  I am not stemming off that right now.  I would like to talk about spending time with God.  As Christians who love God and believe He is real and exists, I have come to believe in the existence of God through the past several years of my adult life. More so today than back in 1999. Yes, His existence, not seen, has been shown to me in ways I cannot put into words very well.  Right now, since April 24, 2019, my time sitting in a church pew with other members of the church I attend, has been put on. Hold because I have dialysis in the morning for 3 ½ hours.  It is very frustrating for me when it comes to the weekend even though I have no problem doing dialysis Saturday mornings because of my medical need.  Because of my ability to go to church has been taken away from me, I have been doing my best at finding time to be with God on a daily basis at home when I am alone to think about what I am reading, thinking, and wanting to reflect on as my day continues to move on right ahead with me.  Time is important when it comes to spending time with God. That is exactly what I am working on right now.  This a part of me that is imperfect.  I need to spend time with God, but first I need to find the right time to it.  I know it is not a good time to do it while I am at dialysis because I do not have my computer with me, but I can always take my Bible and a notebook to take necessary notes, but not always do the machines cooperate while being dialyzed.  I can read Bible Scripture and reflect on it, but the machines and workers are quiet enough. So spending time with God at the dialysis center will not work for me.  I will have to find a better time. I also know it is not easy to spend time with God when my IRIS workers or company are here because we have things to do together. I do not even get on my computer much when I have people here anyway. So, I need to find other ways to spend with God when I am at home with no one around except for Bing Crosby the Cat who happens to be my feline companion and he does not count as a distraction unless he gets into my lap while the computer is there as well, LOL. I need to find the right time to spend with God, and I believe I have found the right time.  Right now is a great time friends and readers.  Now I have to commit to this time with God by turning the TV off, going to the quietest place in my home which would be the bedroom, and sit and spend time with God.  It is a great time for me to relax and then go to bed knowing that my day has been complete.

My relationship with God is veryimportant to me. My time with God is my time and I will always do my best at sharing what I have learned through Bible scripture. Right now I have, since going to church right now is not possible, begun reading/listening to the lessons/courses at Our Daily Bread, read/listen to the devotional of the day, and also read/listen to a devotional of the day by Brenda Walsh at Brenda Walsh Ministries.  I am able to sit back and reflect what I have read or listened to with an open and decluttered mind.  At least I hope my mind is decluttered.  I do not want to have any fog while spending time with God.  In fact, when I get into a fog, I need to go to God right away.  Do you agree?

When it comes to a relationship with God, God wants our full attention or what attention we are able to give Him at the time.  Just like God did by walking in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve before their fall to sinful nature, He too wants us to connect with him daily.  God does not care what time it is when you spend it with Him.  It is encouraged.  David in Psalm 63:1 and 119:148, and Ezra in Nehemiah 8:3 seek God at different times of the day, whether it be morning, afternoon, and evening.  I have chosen to do so before 4 PM today when my TV decided to show me that my Roku 2 system wanted to reset itself for some reason while I was listening to the TV trying to do my lesson of the day.  Once my Roku system reset itself, I have been spending time with God and sharing what I need to for the day.  I will do this up until I am going to bed for the night that will be about 2 to 3 hours from now.  I feel I am on a roll but not to be recognized for it.  I have decided is all.  How important is your relationship with God?  When do you spend time with Him?

My life as a Christian, is a daily learning process. Writing a blog about my Christian attitude is necessary for others to see I am another human being who struggles while being the best Christian I profess to be.  My attitude is very important.  I cannot have one attitude out in the real world and another in my home. It has to be the same throughout the day.  I struggle with the need to correct my attitude at times, too.  That is one of my imperfections in life.  Not anymore starting right now.  I am not going to be two-faced.  God is going to begin working in me from this day forward inside and out, and I will have what is necessary to be the Christian out there.  The game plan is God will guide me where I need to go and I am going to listen to Him with all my heart and ears.  It is not easy being Kristi Karnopp, but it is going to take a lot of pruning and shaping to become the best I can be.

When it comes to building my relationship with God, I have to stick to my plan to spend time with Him at the desired time I have chosen.  I understand that there will be things that come up from time to time that will take priority such as appointments, running errands, and if necessary, hospital visits like I did in January and April 2019, it is important to get back on track immediately afterwards.  A good example about my time with God is I have an appointment next Wednesday to talk to a doctor about my ultrasound that we will be discussing a day when I will be going into the hospital to have the procedure done.  When the procedure takes place, hospital stay or not, I will have to stick to my time with God after it is all over.  Spending time with God is important.  God will be with me during my doctor visit and procedure when the time comes, but it will not be a good time for me to spend time with God alone.  God is among us all at all times.  As I sit and talk to all of you through this letter/blog, I am also reflecting on what I am learning about my relationship with God and where I need to be with Him right now.  How about you?  Where do you stand with God?

I have gotten this example in one of my lessons/readings today at Our Daily Bread Courses.  A classical guitar instructor once told a student, “It’s better to practice 15 minutes a day every day, than to practice for several hours on only a few days.” He was right, especially when it comes to establishing new habits.”  As far as spending time with God, it is important to have 15 minutes of devotionaltime with God and be faithful by carrying out your time with God during your time with Him.  You can learn a lot from Him and feel good about it.  I know this because I feel better and different.  I am one human in this world who feels wonderful after achieving something that has taken time to achieve, and that includes spending time with God that has started this week.  Does that sound wonderful?  Now, finding a quiet place, which was mentioned earlier.  That is my bedroom and it is away from distractions of TV, food, and other noises that come from fans. And outside because my windows are open. Right now we have a nice rain falling and it sounds beautiful.  As long as it does not thunder, I am okay.  I want to be able to sleep well tonight and thunder is one thing that can distract my sleep pattern sometimes.  I find that my bedroom is the right place for me to be where distractions are not as prevalent or problematic.  I have my phone with me just in case important calls come through, but my phone is silenced, and my computer shows calls coming in, but I do not foresee any calls coming in.  My phone has been silenced because then I do not get distracted or discouraged with the sounds of messages and alerts cannot be heard.  This is going to be a change for me, but I have to do it, and it will be done.
I have not gotten the idea of sticking to something and staying with it in some aspects of life.  I am one person who begins something and then does not finish it.  It is the saddest aspect of my life.  How can I do this by sticking to realistic expectations?  I have learned that in order to have realistic expectations work, I need to stop being a perfectionist and changing things all the time.  I need not to worry about high expectations when it comes to pleasing others while I am doing something that really matters to me.  When it comes to spending time with God, go to a quiet place wherever I am, and just do it.  I am one of those people who want to please others with my actions and words at times, and now I  Ineed to stop that because I know I cannot please everyone.  Not everyone is going to smile back when I smile at them.  How people feel from one day to the next may be different from mine.  My circumstances are going to be different from others as well although we have some kind of connection somewhere.  With my connection with God is personal to me whereas it is personal for another in a different way than mine.  What happens when the human strength goes awry?

What happens when human strength goes awry?  That is not an easy question to answer sometimes, but of course, I can answer right now.  I need to pray to God for guidance to get my mind back on track from its disoriented state, give it to God to help me out to prioritize my need to spend devotional time with Him.  It is not an easy task when certain things get in the way or I find more important than God.  I am learning that nothing is more important than God.  Yes, making sure my health is in check at the point where it is right now, getting to dialysis three times a week, and going to necessary doctor appointments are important and cannot be missed, but yet God needs to be in the schedule, too.  We do not want to be selfish now, do we?  Not me. God is not selfish.  He is waiting to have time with us every day.

Having a relationship with God is a two-way communication process.  I want that communication with God.  How do I go about it?  Prayer, praising. And thanking God.  Although my schedule differs from one day to the next does not mean my communication with God has to end one day to the next.  If I do not find time for God, He will not know what I really need or wish Him to know.  I have to talk to Him.  I have to allow Him to show me the way that is best to go on a daily basis when I am awake and aware of what is happening to me.  I should not ever be afraid to speak to God.  It is like communicating with other bloggers reading their stories here at Bloggeror anywhere else I am communicating my thoughts.  It is not an easy process, but it can be done.  Right now I am writing a “letter” to friends and readers. I am doing my side of communication and my friends and readers will do their part by reading what I have written to see what I have to say.  I still find writing a blog different writing a diary entry.  Prayer is not the only thing that is done in a two-way communication process with God.  We also read God’s Word that is the Bible.  It tells stories in the Old and New testament, 66 books  in one big book that has chapters telling stories of prophecies that have been fulfilled and prophecies yet being fulfilled today.  The Bible is one of His other ways God brings to light what we need to know about Him and what He has done and what is necessary for our futures with what we have decided when the second coming of Christ takes place. I am not going to argue or have debates about Christ’s return because I do not know the time.  I just know that we are living in the last days.

Reading a Bible passage and digesting it is like taking and digesting a meal we have just eaten.  We need to read the passage, look at its contents and see what the words mean.  I understand some Bible passages better than other passages and I do my very best.  I think it depends on the version I am using at the time.  I used NKJV and NIV the most.  When I read on God’s Word, I find thinking about the passage and cannot wait to get home to write about it.  I am writing about it right now – this very minute – and going to be sharing it in a little bit.  Passages in the Bible will be taken in context when I share them in my blog from this day forward as a good example is shared earlier in this letter about David and Ezra.

As I sit here writing this letter to communicate to others, I am here wondering what it is that I can share after a Bible lesson, reading a Bible passage, and sharing what I have learned or feel.  As I do a lesson or read a passage, I can take notes, and write my thoughts about the lesson and passage then share with others to show what my thoughts have led me to. That is the way I am going with my time with God from this day forward.

As I end this letter. I would like to say that what I have shared with you today has come from a lesson I was reading/listening to at Our Daily Breadjust like my first letter/blog titled “Imperfections” although I had taken a different approach to writing it after reading/listening to the lesson.  I also learned that it is important to vary my methods of taking time with God, and that is going to begin right now as well.  I personally enjoy reading devotionals from Our Daily Bread, Bible Passages that coincide with the devotionals I read, and I have no problem taking notes and writing my thoughts down.  I/We all have experiences that can be shared with others.  We will never know if someone has experienced something similar as you if you do not share your experiences with others.  I understand that the internet can be dangerous so no personal information will be shared in my blogs or writing that can cause harm to myself and others.  I know the dangers of identity theft.  There is no worries.  No information where identity theft will be prevalent will not happen here.

Until next time, I am here to say good night and God bless.



Monday, June 17, 2019


Dear Friends and Readers,

It is not that late in the evening for me to be writing in my blog as I sit here and wonder what I am going to say this day.  It just so happens that I am in the mood to share something about myself as a Christian.  I struggle with my inner demons that are depression, anxiety, and panic disorder.  I deal with those inner demons all the time and when the anxiety gets so great, I can call someone to help me understand my need to talk, but I do not remember to talk to God personally first.  Do you know how embarrassing it is to realize this after I have calmed down from my anxiety and panic mode?  It is veryembarrassing.  Sometimes I wonder if God gets angry with me when I do not rely on Him first.  Have you ever felt this way like I do at my worst moment in time?  I am indeed not perfect.

All of my life I had dealt with surgeries,  I was born two months premature and was a surviving twin.  My birth was a little surprise because my mom was not expecting twins and my twin sister did not survive.  She died in my mom’s womb.  I was born with cerebral palsy – a mild case and had eye and leg surgery when I was a child still growing. I had my first kidney transplant when I was seventeen years old because I learned that I had total kidney failure.  In 2016 I had learned that my transplanted kidney has become diseased due to internal age in a foreign body.  My mom was the very woman who stepped up to the plate to see if she could be a donor.  It turned out that we were a very good match.  Now, thirty-one years later, that very kidney, seventy-five years old, is wearing out.  I am working towards to having my second kidney transplant, but I still have to lose enough weight to qualify to be on the waiting list and have annual meetings at the UW-Madison in Madison, Wisconsin.  I feel I have been doing hemodialysis now since April 2019.  The first four days were done in the hospital and then I began doing outpatient dialysis since May 2019.  My stint in the hospital took a little longer than planned because medication was given to me – Ativan – and I ended up having a reaction to the drug.  I hallucinated and thought I saw smoke and mist coming out of the room’s vents in the ceiling and walls, transparent people and people who were not really there, I saw strange men handing me a package with a bomb, and heard an evil voice telling me to harm myself, and little fires being thrown onto my bed covers.  It was a very scary situation.  Not only did I hallucinate those little things, I also saw one missile and many bombs hit the hospital as they were hitting the hospital.  I was not in my right mind and it felt and smelled so real.  Patients and their visitors as well as me and my visitors were escorted out of the hospital to safety in my hallucination. The President of the United States and Dr. Phil were also in my hallucination taking care of the national emergency which was the attack on the hospital.  It was a very scary hallucination and I hope to never hallucinate like that ever again.  I have scared some people and my trust in people has fallen even shorter since this has happened.

As I have said before, I am imperfect.  Why?  It is so because I was born into sin of the world and believe me, I have my issues and demons to deal with on a regular basis.  With my health today, I am grateful for the time with the transplanted kidney.  I have an upcoming appointment to see about a fistula or graft placement and I do have my reservations as I did have fistula placement done in November 2016, and ten months later the fistula never matured to continue working in my upper left arm.  It died.  Right now, since April 24, 2019, I have had a catheter in my neck by the right collarbone functioning for dialysis treatment three times a week at three in a half hours a day in the morning from 9:15 AM to when I get unhooked from the machine to go home.  I have my reservations because infection can occur.  I deal with UTI’s a lot, so I get urine samples done a lot to take care of the UTI I have developed.  I am taking an antibiotic for an UTI right now until tomorrow morning.  I had gotten another UTI last week.  I do not like them as imperfect as I am.

Where am I going with all of this imperfection of myself?  I am doing a study at Our Daily Bread that I have decided to begin tonight, and it is talking about sin and how God is doing His best at bringing His people out of sin through his love and connection with us throughout one of the greatest books out there in the world.  Adam and Eve became sinners by eating from the tree in the middle of the garden they were tending to that was called The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.  The sin began with Eve’s deception of the serpent who we all know is Satan and Adam followed.  Their act got them kicked out of the Garden of Eden, and their two boys and ancestors were all born into sin because of the lust of the flesh and minds of the people who have followed.  Of course there were men and women who were chosen to .be great people in their time as many people today are chosen to be great in their time.  I, a sinner born into this world because of sin, I am just an ordinary person with great dreams of becoming a great person, too. I do not want to be an actress.  I do not want to become someone who will be remembered for my problems.  I want to be remembered as a person who has endured the problems I face from day to day – great or small.  I am not wanting to be famous in my own right.  I want to be me and whatever comes my way, I will do what is in God’s plan for me.

I find writing a blog somewhat hard to do sometimes.  I do not find it like writing in a diary.  It feels different and what I share in my blog is written for others to know what type of person I am.  I struggle, I plow on ahead no matter what I am struggling with and that depends on how fast or slow I go with that plow.  My life is like every other life out there except my road is different from others.  I came from a wonderful family that has struggled with divorce and remarriage as time moved on ahead.  I have developed friendships growing up and some of them have stayed or moved on to different friendships.  I have even walked away from friendships because of stress or drama.  I have felt that walking away from people was always a sign showing me that growing up is hard to do and I no longer have anything in common with certain people.  I do have to admit that I have allowed someone back into my life a few months ago now she is gone because she had died of cancer.  I struggled about with my feelings and thoughts when she called so many times.  Did I make a mistake?  I could not go to her funeral when she passed!  What kind of friend was I?  A coward once again.  I had another friend in my life who I allowed back into my life, but I began to see some major changes in this friend that really scared me.  When she ran into her issues and demons, I felt scared to help her.  I eased her out of my life for good after she moved out of the building for the second time and I prefer no contact with her whatsoever because she denies she needs help.  I can do for this friend now is pray and keep her as far away from me as possible. I have my health, spiritual needs, and demons to deal with and if I feel unsafe with others, I will not have them in my life anymore.  I know that is not how a Christian should act, but I am once again imperfect, too.  I will continue praying for those I have walked away from throughout the years.  I also praying for myself at times of need, too.  I am not totally selfish.  I do have a heart.

Not only am I here to share my spiritual struggle as a Christian, I am here to share the need for something that is bigger than life itself. I am here to show that imperfection is everywhere around me and I want to share those imperfections with others to show that we are not alone in this world.  My friendships with some people have diminished into nothingness and I know Jesus would not have shunned those people if he was physically here like I did. Does Jesus love me any less?  No, he does not, but if I do not clean up some of my attitude today, my place in heaven will be lost – not can be lost – will be lost, and I surely do not want that.  Would you?

For a while now I have seen this world become so political more so than anything else.  We have been divided since Adam and Eve’s sin in the garden, but we are so very divided politically now more than ever.  The Democrats and Republicans are not working together in congress, and people do not like the President of the United States who happens to be Donald Trump.  The Republicans are fine with him, but not all the Democrats. It is sad.  There are Democrats I do not like, and I am guilty of saying unpleasant things about some of them.  I do not like Nancy Pelosi in her position in congress whatsoever.  As a person and human being she is, I still pray for her and the others I do not like.  That is all.  Getting into a political debate with people is not my forte or wish I want to come true. I just wish that the division was over, and we can be happy once again.  Growing up was hard to do back when I was a teenager and now that I am an adult, I find it even harder at times.  I hate taking sides. I am happy to be the person I have become and what areas I have to work on are works in progress daily.  Everywhere I go, I am going to run into something I do not 
like it is part of growing up and being a better person I believe.

I am not proud or happy with some of the things I have done that were mentioned here.  I have struggled a lot to reach some of my imperfect actions to make them right again. I have cried many tears for acting a certain way to some of the people who were in my life or still are in my life. I dislike the idea of being imperfect.  Wanting God to know that I am always wanting Him here with me all the time is definitely a need, I find my life as a human being a great life despite all of my struggles and needs of God.  Do you mind praying with/for me daily and often? Please and that is all I ask.  I love Jesus and I know he has died on the cross for me and other believers, but I need my relationship with God to be much stronger at my weakest because I am tired of Satan’s attacks on me.  I AM READY TONIGHT TO DO THIS:

Are you ready to make that decision? If so, you can go to Jesus and share your desire to receive forgiveness for sin and begin an eternal relationship with Him. Pray something like this:
Jesus, I admit that I am a sinner. Thank You for dying on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin. I now receive You as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life and make me the kind of person You want me to be. Amen.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  It was a great pleasure writing this letter and expressing my thoughts openly with others.  May God bless others in the time of need for people all over the world.  God knows all and He knows us all as we are the apples of His eyes.  He wants to save us all from the evils and sins of the world even though he cannot. We have been given the ability to choose thanks to Adam and Eve’s choice in the Garden of Eden.  I choose life.  What do you choose?